Handling Attacks - in the Corporate & Public World

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When Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, they found a few possessions on him.

A Confederate 20 dollar bill.

Glasses repaired with cotton string.

And an old worn out newspaper clipping where the journalist began with:

"Abraham Lincoln is one of the greatest statesman of all time..."

Today Abraham Lincoln is recognised as one of the greatest US Presidents. However, he was elected with only 40% of the popular vote and was attacked heavily in his time. He was one of the least popular presidents of all at the time of his election. Many of his own party attacked him. Needless to say, he was also attacked heavily from without in a time of civil war.

Anyone who gets attention with a message or position on an important topic is liable to get attacked.

To stay sane and continue on the path one has chosen, one must be able to gauge correctly the true picture. Respond accordingly.

That newspaper clipping helped to keep positive perspective when under attack. One can imagine Abraham Lincoln taking it out and reading it under times of personal crisis.

What to do with attacks

At times, attacks and criticisms might be warranted. Correction can be made.

But the problem arises when one responds to criticism, introverts on it without a balanced view on what the true overall picture.

Restaurants often do this. 100 satisfied customers like a great a dish but do not tell you. One person who didn't like it says it had too much fat. The fat is then trimmed, but the flavour goes - 100 other customers start leaving. You don’t know what went wrong.

I remember having Sales runs - selling lots or selling none for periods of time. It is a result of perspective. If you are failing you missed the true picture and started buying the negative one from the customer. 

One can introvert on an attack or criticism and fail to see all the successes and people who might be one's support.

Martin Luther King once said "In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

It is quoted in the area of customer service that someone is 8 times more likely to complain than to praise.

If one applies that percentage - then one might take any praise they get and multiply that by 8 – that is how many people really liked you.

Or read that same positive article over and over again - as did Abraham Lincoln.

And in this way you can manage to keep perspective.

Keeping one's way of doing it

Even with dozens of articles I’ve written, I find some of the articles with the best positive responses still get attacked – or people wait for a slightly controversial topic to ‘jump to attack’.

Some of it might have been legitimate. But with anything done publicly, one is liable to get shot at at some point.

With improved communication and skill attacks can be negated. But some will remain.

But the biggest problem?

One starts to moderate himself in light of the attack. The message is a little bit more mild, a little bit more general, a little less frequent, but much less effective.

Like the person who spends the rest of his life in the middle. Invisible.

But you also stop making a difference to anyone.

I often observe posts on Facebook – what gets the most likes. I found the most liked posts were nice but not particularly impinging.

The things that genuinely impinge, even positively, you will get attacked or not ‘liked’. It is not popular to be potentially unpopular.

I have earned a few awards and recognition in my time. But the reality is the thing that really made a difference, the thing that was hard and might have saved a company or saved someone… also made a few enemies.

You didn’t get awards for that. The awards were for ‘popular’ but relatively easy or natural things. Just like a nice Facebook post.

If you got praise it was private. But you remembered it.

Just Do It

A wise man named once said to me:

"Do you know why some people never do anything that gets them into trouble? It's because they never do anything!!!"

Or worse. One starts doing it someone else's way, the best way to lose any power you might have.

The only way I believe to be effective in a field is to excel at it. The only way to excel at it is to do it - lots.

Confidence in one's ability will bring more life to what one is doing.

This will over time allow you brush aside attacks from the weak - this will get you into  bigger games - but bigger attacks.

It is a cycle, but not necessarily a vicious one.

Eventually you will win. But all along the way there are smaller wins.

So go out and do it your way.

Lots of it.

Until you are the King (or Queen) of it.

There are 4 stages one might go through when learning to speak to groups or in public:

1. SCAREDY CAT

When we start, we are often quite nervous and what we planned to say does not turn out to be what we say.

This is the stage where people would prefer dying than speaking in public.

Interestingly, this is the easiest barrier to overcome. It lasts about 3 times on stage.

Isn't it interesting that the things that scare us the most are the easiest to overcome?

When you are a Scaredy Cat, your attention is on yourself.

2. PUSSY CAT

The next stage is when you are comfortable with getting in front of people and they will tolerate and appreciate you. But you are not yet able to influence them yet. Your speaking is 'nice'. You are a Pussy Cat.

People like pussy cats, but pussy cats don't really change anyone's view or lead them.

Many people who speak never get past this stage. They have faced their fears, but are happy to be pussy cats. Nobody can hate pussy cats.

One can still get in front of people without making a fool of themselves. They are not effect, but they won’t change many lives.

When you are a Pussy Cat, your attention is coming off of yourself and onto what you are going to say next.

But this stage is also relatively easy to overcome. All it requires is the desire to do more than just be able to stand in front of an audience. It requires you to want to get a message across.

3. PUSSY LION

Those who aim higher need to learn how to Roar, but they don't know how yet. They are Pussy Lions.

Pussy Lions can have a hard time. They have high aims but cannot yet achieve them. "How do you get people to action? To buy? To follow what you say? To become passionate about this?"

In fact, this stage can be quite tough, because you can make the audience like you. But you don't want them to just like you, you want them to follow you. If you push too hard they might dislike you.

Their journey might take them to larger audiences with stronger messages – beseeching action. This will also stretch their ability and make them feel like a Scaredy Cat again.

This is the journey that few people actually take. It is the longest and hardest one. The education on this route is not standard, it must be travelled.

When you are a Pussy Lion, your main focus is not on yourself, not what you are going to say next, but on the Message you want people to have at the end.

4. LION

And if one learns to travel the path, they come the last stage - they are a Lion.

They will roar and people will listen. Maybe they might lead the pack - a pride of other lions. But people will pay attention because it is worthwhile listening to them.

But interestingly, when one can become a Lion one does not need to roar. The fears of having an audience is not the problem. The control of the audience is not the problem. You might feel like you have no problems. The problem you have is the audience - how to help them.

Actually, when you are a lion - you are strong enough to not have to show that you are a lion and can be gentle. And when that happens, you are more yourself.

The fourth stage is not really that you are a Lion, it is that you are Yourself.

Many people are not themselves in front of one person. They are uncomfortable or cannot influence one other person. The Lion is comfortable in front of many, and is able to give many a viewpoint that they have and convince others that it is worthwhile seeing it. They are themselves in front of many. This is truly being oneself.

Life is easier when you are a Lion. It is a matter of how much and when, not - can I do it? As a Lion you will be able to steer the audience to where you wish to lead them.

When you are Yourself, your main focus in not on yourself, not what to say next, nor on your message. It is on the audience.

So it is not by luck or talent that one moves up the pyramid of life in leadership or communication. One does not ‘fall’ into the top. It is a matter of desire. Of a road less travelled.

Of Lions.

#publicspeaking #presentationskills #leadership